Desperation Before I Hit The Ground 05

Andy's POV

        "You know, you're really cool" Giovanni said as we walked back
towards the apartments. I blushed at his compliment and smiled.

        "Thanks"
"It's no problem, anytime you want to drop by you're more than welcome
to" I nodded.

        "So, I haven't asked yet, but what do you do?"
"Well I sort of have a band, nothing too big at least not yet but
other than that I don't have a real job"
        "How does a young thing like you afford to live in Hollywood then?"
"Well I live with my band mate Jake, he's got this job at a guitar
shop it doesn't pay much but it's enough for rent and food"

        Giovanni looked at his shoes as he walked.
"How old are you?" he asked without looking up.

        "Almost nineteen"
"Young blood"
        "What about you?"
"Twenty six, an old man huh?" he said with a chuckle.

        "What do you do?"
"I just opened up a bar downtown" he said with a proud smile.

        Our hands briefly touched as we neared the apartment complex.
Giovanni was tall, taller than me, which at 6"2 was hard to come by.
He was in peak physical condition too, unlike me. He wasn't some
muscle man from the cover of some weight lifting magazine but he had
toned arms and through his white shirt what seemed to be an impeccable
chest.
        "Does this place have a work out room? I still haven't scoped it out
yet" he asked.

"It does, it's near the front office next to the pool, I don't know
what it's like though, never stepped foot in it to be honest"
        "Maybe you can show me sometime"

"Well Andy I had a wonderful time at lunch today and I feel very
welcome" he smiled as we came upon our building.

        "Thanks, it's uh, no problem"
"You got a girlfriend kid?"
        "I uh… no I um don't" I said not wanting to really go into any details.

"Boyfriend?" he asked, raising his eyebrow. I shook my head hoping he
didn't see my blush. He chuckled. He nodded, unlocking his door.

        "Like I said you're welcome over any time" he winked before going inside.

Ashley's POV

        "Jeff you're not seriously considering this kid?" I boomed, bursting
into his office. He was busy editing the photos that he'd taken the
previous day. Some were already up on the website.

        "Ashley we have PREORDERS" he said, putting an emphasis on it. I
leaned over his shoulder, he was right we had the highest amount of
preorders and promising sales than any other film.

        "These people are begging for more, have you seen the message
boards?" he asked, thrilled.

He clicked a few links bringing up the message board where customers
could talk about the films, actors, and various other things. I mostly
stayed off them if you ask me they're vial and pretty damn disgusting.
These people actually think they have a chance with some of us and the
things they say they want to do repulse me. There's a thin line
between fantasy and reality, and sometimes I think that line is
blurred.

        Jeff pointed to one post by "bigdaddy69".

Can't wait to see that little virgin take that D all the way, his nice
tight hole.  I wrinkled my nose and scoffed.

        "So some fifty year old guy gets off on kids, so what?" I said hiding
my utter disgust.

"Yeah him and about a thousand others" he said scrolling down the
page. More and more post filled the screen all describing what they
wanted to see, what they thought of that… kid. I couldn't help but
feel angered by it.

        Sure they'd said things about me before but this is my job, I'm use
to it. Lord knows that things have been said about Jazzy, the kid's
got his own form. Andy is just a kid though, a kid desperate for money
for his band. He's not some sex toy to help some disgusting old man
get off because he can't actually get any himself. These "customers"
are vultures; they pick apart the fresh meat until there's nothing
left but a rotted carcass. Then they move on to the next, despicable.

        "Jeff do you honestly think its okay for people to talk like this?"
"It's not harming anyone besides you've got to be a customer to even
access the posts"
        "It's not okay goddamn it!" I yelled, slamming my fist down on the table.

Even I was surprised at my outburst. I hardly ever care about newbies,
normally I just think that once they see what they're getting
themselves into they'll run. Either that or they'll like it in some
sick way and keep going. This was different though…

        "What are you talking about?"
"You're using this poor kid!"
        "Welcome to the industry Ash, I thought you knew this already?"
"I-I do it's just… it's just wrong Jeff" I said before turning to leave.

        Jazzy was just coming in as I was leaving Jeff's office. He was
already made up for his next shoot. His blond hair was teased and had
streaks of wash out blue hair dye in it, glitter shimmered on his
cheeks and glossy pink lip-gloss was on his pouting lips. The heavy
stage makeup hid his hung over eyes and face creating the illusion of
perfection.
        "What are you all work up over?"

"None of your damn business that's what" I said, pushing past him.

Andy's POV

        I licked the peanut butter off the end of the knife before plunging
it back into the jar. Note to self, buy more peanut butter. It'd
always been my favorite food since I was a kid and at times my only
food. Skippy Super Chunk, the best stuff around. My phone vibrated to
life and I struggled to swallow what was in my mouth before answering.

        "This Andy?" Jeff's voice asked from the other side.

I dropped the knife, my heart racing as I realized what this call was about.
        "Um yeah…"
"Hey, it's Jeff so I've got some good news for you" my hands were shaking now.

        "W-What's that?"
"Everyone loves your photos; we're planning a shoot for next week" he
sounded thrilled, but my heart just dropped in my chest.

        "Oh um, that's great"
"I'll call you when we have the time set and stone but don't worry kid
you're going to be a hit I can feel it" he mused before hanging up.

        Suddenly I wasn't so hungry any more, in fact I felt down right sick.
Of course I could call back and say that I couldn't do it, that I'd
find the money some other way. That'd be a lie though; in this town
there really wasn't any other way to get that much money in that short
of time without selling yourself out in some way. It's for the band I
reminded myself.

        No one said that achieving your dreams was going to be easy. You have
to make sacrifices and be willing to go to the end of the world for
something you truly want. The guys are counting on me to come up with
this money, although none of them know how I'm doing it.

        A cold chill fell over me. What if someone sees this thing and
recognizes me? Certainly having a porn video as a rock star isn't an
end to your career hell it might even help it but still. What if my
parents or grandparents happened upon it? Old friends, new friends,
hell someone in the apartments…

        "What the fuck have I done?" I whispered to myself.

A knock at the door startled me, making me almost jump out of my skin.
I quickly got up, composing myself before walking over to the door. It
was probably just Jake, forgotten his keys or something. I swear my
heart stopped when I opened the door and there he was.

        He had a cowboy hat on, tipped to one side, covering his left eye.
His "outlaw" tattoo was visible under his open vest and a tooth pick
was perched on the corner of his thin lips. He pushed the door open,
letting himself inside.

        "W-What are you doing here?" I stuttered.

"I came here to tell you that you got the part"
        "I know… Jeff called me"
"Yeah, I'll be he did, look here kid that's not the only reason I came here"

        "If you know what's good for you you won't fucking show up next week,
you hear me? This isn't the place for you; you're too pure you'll
never survive this life. Go home, go back to where ever you're from
and mooch off mommy and daddy for a few more years, fuck go to
school."
        "I'm not going home"

"God you're really fucking stupid aren't you?" he almost yelled.

        "I'm not stupid, I know what I want."
"No. You. Don't. Mark my words kid you're wasting your time. You're
not like me; you're not like Jazzy or anyone else in this business,
leave when you have the chance."

        "I know you hate me, but I don't have any other options"
"I don't hate you, and you do have other options" he insisted.

        "I'm willing to do anything for my band"
"Anything now?" he leaned in, so I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

        "Do you really mean that? Have you even done it before? Do you really
think you can handle me, do you really think you can control yourself
when I'm on top of you? Bitch I'll make your body feel things you
didn't even know was possible." I hope he didn't notice my knees were
shaking.

        I swallowed hard before replying, "I-I can do this"

His lips pressed against the hot skin of my neck, sending a wave of
electricity through my veins. My body started to react to his touch as
his hand made its way up my shirt. I closed my eyes as he bit down on
the tender skin. My brain was at war between the fear I felt and the
aching in my gut that all but begged for him.

        "I'm not easy baby" he whispered in my ear.

"I'm tough"
        "That's what they all say, but it never fails that I have them in
tears, bent over that bed or on their backs"

        He stepped back, a smirk on his lips. My heart was still going wild
and my breath was uneven.
"Stupid kid" he laughed before opening the door and walking out.