This Is Our Sweet Blasphemy 010

I just sat in the bathroom for the rest of lunch. I didn't want anyone to see me, and I didn't want to see anyone. My best friend had just called me a whore in front of everyone, and that everyone included Ashley.

It wasn't that I didn't think he had a reason to call me out, because he defiantly did. What I'd done to him was wrong and hurtful. I just wished he'd spoken to me about it in private, and not brought it up the way he did. Maybe then we'd still be friends, and my heart wouldn't be broken right now.

I know I've got eyeliner and black makeup running down my cheeks at this point, and I'm sure I look like shit. I mean I feel like it, now not only because of being sick, but because of what Matt had said.

I took deep breaths, trying to collect myself enough. The bell would ring soon and I'd have to appear at least half way okay in front of Ashley. Looking in the mirror, I wiped the eyeliner from my cheeks, getting my pencil out of my book bag and applying more.

My fever had felt like it'd gotten worse, and now thanks to the crying my nose was even more stuffed up than before. My stomach was uneasy and I felt like I'd throw up again, maybe that's just nerves. At least I hope it is.

---

I got to biology a few minutes late, and ended up having to turn right back around and head up to the library. Everyone was already fast at work, and I spotted Ashley sitting in the back on the computer. Slowly, I made my way back to him, going over in my mind what I'd say if he asked about lunch.

I sat down beside him, keeping my head down. His fingers were racing over the keys, he'd already gotten half a page down already. I read over it, he's an amazing writer. The way he worded things made it seem less like a boring school report and more like a master piece.

Oh well, just one more thing to add to his ever growing list of talents and abilities. I sighed, and rested my head on the table, using my arms as a pillow. I heard the keys stop for a second then start again.

"Are you going to help me?" he finally asked.

"What?" I said feeling dazed.

"Help me, write this? That's part of the bet right?"
"Oh.. um yeah I'm just really sick right now sorry" I said, sitting up.

"I can tell" that's another way of saying I look like shit.

I bit my lip and pulled my sleeves down over my wrist nervously. I hope he senses that I'm not in the mood to write today. Or at least not write about this. My eyes burn and are still puffy from crying I'm sure.

"What happened at lunch today?" shit.

"Oh... um nothing"
"That was a pretty heated nothing" he said, his eyes not leaving the screen.

"I mean... I sort of forgot about my plans with him..."
"I hope I wasn't the cause of it"
"..."

"Why didn't you just tell me you already had plans, I could have come up with something else" he said, his speed slowing down.

"I honestly don't know, and I don't want to talk about it..." I said, feeling tears well up in my eyes. A painful breath escaped my lips, which I knew he had heard. I could feel myself breaking again.

"E-Excuse me" I said, getting up and walking away hurriedly. He looked up at me but stayed seated.

---

There's a bathroom in the back of the library. I pushed open the door, going over to the singular sink. I rested my elbows on the cool counter and bared my teeth. I can't cry, be strong. I couldn't stop the hot tears that were now streaming down my pale cheeks.

My whole body was shaking from the sobs and fever. I don't think this day could get any worse. I pushed my fingers through my hair, pulling at it a bit. I just want to curl up and die. I gasped, trying to keep the cries silent, but just ended up making myself cough.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore and begun to sob, not caring if anyone walked in or heard. My cheeks were hot, and my throat ached. Tears fell down my cheeks onto the sink like rain drops. I felt a cool hand on my back, and smelt his cologne.

"Shh..." he said, softly rubbing circles on the small of my back. I was embarrassed to say the least that he'd found me. I'm sure I look real tough and cool, sobbing like an idiot in the bathroom.

"Andy..." he spoke softly, leaning down a bit so he could see my face. I hid behind my hair, but he only pushed it back behind my ear. He had a concerned expression on his defined features. It surprised me, why would he even care if I was okay?

None of his friends did, in fact if they even saw him talking to me on a normal day they'd most likely disown him. I stood up, wiping the tears off my cheeks with my sleeves.

"S-Sorry" I choked out, trying to get past him to get out, he caught me by my wrist though and gave me a pleading look. There's no getting out of this one, he's goanna ask what's wrong next.

Of course I'm sure later, he'll go and tell his friends what a fucking cry baby I am. And how I can't take it when someone calls me a name. I should have never come to school today, then maybe I'd just be miserable from the cold.

"Andy, what's going on?"
"I'm just s-sick, t-that's all" I struggled to say.

"No one cries like this just because they're sick... is this about what he said?" for some reason I found it impossible to lie to him, so I only nodded.

"I feel responsible, if I hadn't have made that stupid bet, he wouldn't be mad at you right now" he said looking down.

"No... it's not you're fault, it's mine. I lied, and that was the wrong thing to do"
"Why'd you choose me over him though?" my heart started racing, surely I can't tell him.

Oh yes Ashley, you see I'm sort of kinda, really, madly in love with you. No, that wouldn't go over well. No matter HOW nice he APPEARS to be.

"Cause... I don't know..." he didn't ask for me to explain, thank God. He just brought me into a gentle hug. I tensed up at first, unsure of his affection, but soon relaxed into it, wrapping my arms tightly around him.

I started to sob lightly into his chest like a lost child, clinging to their saviour. He leaned back against the wall, holding me in his strong arms. He was warm and he smelled like ax cologne and bubblemint gum.

It was an odd, yet comforting smell. I closed my eyes for they were burning from the cry. I focused on evening out my breath, but found myself too weak to even do that. I leaned my head against his shoulder, standing up a bit.

"I'm really sorry... you must think I'm an idiot" I apologized.

"No, it's okay, like you said you're sick and upset. We all have bad days, so don't worry about it" I nodded.

His hand graced the side of my face, stroking it lightly. Why is he doing this? He has no reason to, he shouldn't even be here. He should be out there, doing his... well OUR work, without a care in the world.

Yet he's here. He's not writing his paper to get the grade that seems to be the most important thing to him. He's with me. I listened to his rhythmic breathing, it was calming and soon I was able to pull myself together enough to speak again.

"Thanks..." I said, standing up and rubbing my arm awkwardly. He smiled before uttering a small "You're welcome" back.

He reached over, wetting a paper towel and handing it to me. I wiped the once again smeared makeup from my cheeks, letting it rest on my hot cheeks another moment.

"And don't worry, I won't tell anyone about this, okay?"
"Thanks..."
"No problem, I know you probably think I'm just some jerky jock who only cares about my girlfriend and football, but I assure you I'm nothing like those immature fucks that I play with okay?"

"I can tell" I whispered.

"And despite what they may think of you, I think you're pretty cool, and from your lyrics, quite musically talented, and you're a sweet kid"
"You really think that?"
"Of course I do. You know, I'm allowed to make my own choices as to my friends, I don't let other dominate who I call my friends" I nodded.

"This is probably weird, cause I don't really know you all that well, but yeah... you're a cool guy Andy" I smiled the best I could. It meant a lot to hear him say that.

"And again, I'm really sorry about what happened with you and that guy, it hurts to lose friends, believe me I've been there, done that"
"Yeah it sucks..."

"And hey, don't worry about the paper, I'll do it. I sort of was going to write it all by myself anyways, even without the bet..."
"It's cause I suck at this sort of thing isn't it?"
"Well, let's not go there right now" He said with a chuckle.

"Class is almost over, come on, let's go ahead and sit back down" he said, opening the door for me. I walked back out, sitting by my book bag. Ashley had shut down the computer already.

The final bell rang, dismissing us all from school. I picked up my book bag and slung it over my shoulder. It felt like it weighed as much as a full grown man. Ashley looked over at me and cocked his head to the side.

"You alright?"
"Uh... yeah" I said, shaking my head, trying to get the dizzy feeling to go away. It wasn't though, I tried to walk, but was a bit unsteady on my feet.

"Andy, I think you should sit down" he said, pulling my chair back out. I nodded, sitting back down. The class was gone, the only people left in the library were the two librarians and they were busy shutting down the computers.

He pressed his hand to my forehead and held it there for a few seconds.
"You're burning up" I stayed quiet watching him as he got his water bottle out of his bag.

"Here, you need to drink" he said, pressing it to my lips. I took it, taking small sips.

"You drive here right?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Are you okay to drive home?" he asked.

"Yeah..."
"Andy, you can barely stand"
"I mean, I've got to get home, so I'll just have to deal with it"
"How far away do you live?" he asked.

I told him the street I lived on, it's actually not that far from school about two miles, less if you cut through the woods. Ashley bit his lip and thought for a moment.

"My friend Nick lives on that street... hold on let me make a quick call" he said getting up, and going over to a book shelf. I watched him, wondering what his motives were. He came back a few minutes later with a smile on his face.

"Alright, if you don't mind I'd like to drive you home, of course you'd have to let me take your car"
"I don't mind... but how would you get back to school?"
"Nick'll take me back I've got football practice anyways and I don't think they'll mind if I'm a few minutes late, then I can just take my own car home"

"That's a lot of work just to get me home, I'll be fine" I said getting up. The dizziness had gotten worse though and I felt myself about to faint. Quickly I sat back down, holding my head.

"It'll be fine, Nick's got to go out towards the school anyways"
"O-Okay" I said, not in the mood to argue, so instead I handed Ashley my keys.

"I'll carry your stuff" he said, picking up my book bag with ease. He offered me a hand which I took.