literature

This Is Our Sweet Blasphemy 015

Deviation Actions

PATDRydenforever21's avatar
Published:
1.3K Views

Literature Text

Ashley didn't text me back. I'd sent him a quick text once I'd gotten home, even waited a bit for him to reply. He never did though. I abandoned my efforts to reach him and took a shower, getting ready for bed. Once I'd settled down into bed, I checked my messages one last time.

Still no reply. There was a text from Scout about these new shoes she'd bought after school, but nothing that important. I sighed, placing the phone down. It shouldn't surprise me. I mean he didn't seem in the best mood when he left the fields tonight, so maybe that had something to do with it.

Then again, maybe he regretted what he did with me. What if he regretted breaking up with Kina? I mean they do this all the time. Who's to say that tomorrow they won't be back together by the end of the day and I'll be nothing more than a distant memory.

That feels like the story of my life. I have no legacy. No one hardly knows my band name, I suck at school work, and I'm not some top athlete. I could die tomorrow and virtually no one would care. Surely my few friends and family would, but other than that, I'd be nothing.

A true no-body.

The exact opposite of Ashley. He was everything I wasn't, he's smart, talented, and strong. He's got seemingly no flaws, human perfection. I long to be something, I long to be someone. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle though. Very few people actually make it, there are tons of people in the world, yet only a handful actually have made a name for themselves.

I'm not one of those people, and at times I fear I never will be. I'm not the prize, I'm second place. Second place at best. I turned over, hugging my pillow to my chest. I guess I should try to fall asleep. I don't even want to go to school tomorrow. I don't want to have to deal with people's bullshit.

---

It took a few times before it clicked in my brain. I heard a thump, then another thump. Something was hitting my window. I sat up in bed, flipping the light on. My phone was vibrating. I picked it up, there were three missed messages and two missed calls.

All from him.

I answered the phone, still half asleep. I pressed talk and brought it to my hear.
"Go to the window" he said.

"Why?" I asked sleepily, before getting up and stumbling over to my window, drawing back the blinds. Sure enough, when I looked out the window he was standing down on the grass below my window, looking up.

"Why are you hear?" I sighed, pushing my hair back.

"I don't know, I needed to get out of my house and I went over to my friend's house then I remembered you live right down the road..." he said.

"That doesn't really explain why you're here" I said, starting to wake up. If anyone ever asks, this whole "Romeo and Juliet come to the window scene" is not as romantic as it seems.

"I'm coming down" I said before hanging up. I pulled a pair of black sweat pants on over my boxers and a matching sweat shirt before quietly making my way down the stairs and out the door.

He met me at up front. He was no longer dressed in his jersey. He'd changed back into his normal rocker attire. I crossed my arms, hugging myself a bit. The night was a bit chilly compared to my warm bed.

"So... what can I help you with?" I asked, leaning against my front door.

"Oh... um well I don't really know" he said, scratching his neck. I watched him, he seemed on edge still, whatever was bothering him at the fields seemed to be eating him alive now. Why was he here, he didn't seem comfortable being here.

It's got to be 2 in the morning at least. He should be home asleep, and I should be in my room asleep. I looked down at my feet and bit at my lip ring. This was extremely awkward. He stepped closer to me and took my hand.

He turned it over in his, studying it. I must look like absolute shit right now, but it's his fault, he was the one who made me get up and come outside. He sighed, sitting down on the top step. I sat beside him and bowed my head.

"So... are you just going to sit there and say nothing or what?"
"I'm just thinking..."
"About what?"
"About how to say this" he said, looking up at me.

"Say what?"
"If I knew, I'd have said it already" he answered smartly, but he didn't laugh. My stomach was turning and doing flips. From the tone of his voice it wasn't good news he had, I wouldn't like whatever the hell was on his mind.

"Just say it"
"Well... I've just been thinking about the beach and what happened, and what I said"
"What about it?"
"I don't know, I mean like I said I've never felt this way about a... yeah before"

I snapped, it's not a hard word to say. Why can't he just admit it, say it? It's not like it matters, we're the only two people out here.

"About a guy? Why can't you just say that word? What's so bad about it? So what, you like a guy?!" his eyes turned to mine.

"That's just it though... I don't think I can like a guy. I think I'm just over stressed and confused"
"What are you saying?" I asked, feeling my heart breaking a bit.

Did I call it or what? I knew he could never like me, even as a friend. He's a somebody and I'm a no body. It just won't work, this isn't a fairy tale. He's not my prince charming and I'm not his Cinderella. This isn't Romeo and Juliet, we won't defy our social classes in the name of love.

"I'm sorry if I lead you on or hurt you in any way, but I think it's just better if we go back to the way things were before we met. It's in both of our best interest" I stayed quiet for a minute.

I know there's nothing I can say or do to change his mind, but I didn't think that then. I was heart broken, he'd woken me up at 2 in the morning only to break my heart. How considerate of him, not not text me back, instead do this.

"I don't want that, you made me fall for you, and now what? You're just going to do this to me?" I asked, trying to stay strong.

"Believe me like I said leading you on or hurting you is the last thing I intended to do. It just won't work out though, I can't like a guy and well..."
"You can't like someone like me... that's what you're trying to say"

He didn't respond, which in my book was enough of a response.

"This doesn't even have to do with gender, this has to do with what your fucking friends would say and think doesn't it?!" I said, standing up.

"Andy... please you don't understand"
"Then enlighten me please!" I said, raising my voice.

He grabbed me, pressing a finger to my lips.
"Shh, you'll wake up the whole neighborhood"

"I don't care!" I said, pushing him off me. He stepped back and shook his head.

"I know you hate me, and I don't blame you. If I were you I'd hate me too"
"I don't hate you... you just broke my fucking heart! I thought you actually liked me! It made me feel really fucking good. I guess I was just wrong though, why would someone like you like someone like me?"

He reached for me again, but I pulled back. I don't want his sympathy or excuses. I wanted him, I wanted his love, his acceptance. I don't get that though, which shouldn't come as a surprise.

"Andy... that's not true please don't put yourself down"
"Sorry, that's everyone else's job isn't it?" I said, feeling the tears coming on.

I hate to stay strong, I can't let him see me cry. If I do that I'll just prove that I'm nothing more than an emotional bitch. I frowned, looking down.

"I am so, so, sorry..." he said, hanging his head.

"Don't be... it doesn't even matter anymore... just leave"
"That would be best, bye Andy" he said, turning around.

A tear slid down my cheek as I watched him leave for the second time today. I was wrong, I'm not even second place, I'm last.
So kind of short and sad, but the next chapter will be happier (kind of) and longer. I'm really tired though and it's been a really long and weird day for me. I hope you liked it though. Please keep telling me what you think.
© 2011 - 2024 PATDRydenforever21
Comments16
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
LoveforJayy's avatar
Andy, just go with Matt now.