This Is Our Sweet Blasphemy 027

My knuckles tingled as I walked away, the full extent of what I'd just done now coming over me. I think a few people were surprised when they say me walk out, virtually unharmed. I hope they all saw the bruise that would surely form on his cheek. I hope they drew the conclusion, I hope they all knew it was from me.

I didn't bother going back to my seat with the rest of my band, I didn't feel like talking with anyone. I just want to go sit on my place on the rocks and be alone. It pains me though, because in the short time he'd been mine I'd grown accustomed to it being our place on the rocks.

If time heals everything though, then soon enough it'd become excursively mine again. I pushed my hair back but it just fell down in my face again with the next breeze. I kept my head down as I walked through the parking lot and over to my car.

I swear the man senses my emotions, he's got to. I looked up to unlock my car and leaning against it was none other than Matt. He had a cigarette perched between his lips and the small of his back was rested against my side door. His expression wasn't happy though, it was almost as if he hadn't yet seen me and was still lost in thought.

I stood awkwardly, rubbing my arm. I pressed the button on my keys making my car beep as it unlocked, hoping that would snap him out of his trance. It did, he looked up at me and took the cigarette from his lips, blowing out a ring of smoke.

"Matt... what are you doing at my car?"
"Waiting on you" he answered coolly.

"Why?"
"Well.. I've kind of got something to ask of you" he said, nervously scratching the back of his neck. A million thoughts crossed my mine, ask of me? He seems really nervous and fidgety now.

The warm breeze blew through my hair, lifting it off my back a back as I stood there. He stomped out the butt and looked up at me again.

"So you really had sex with him?" my stomach dropped at the mention of Ashley, and at the mention of that. I felt ashamed as I nodded my head. I felt like a whore, cheap, easy, stupid.

"... well um... are you sure he's ya' know... well he's been with a lot of people and I was just wondering if maybe you knew if he..."
"You're asking me if I think he's got something?"
"Basically" Matt whispered.

I thought for a second, we didn't use protection, because well I can't get pregnant. I'd never asked him though if he was "clean" or even if there was a possibility. I'm so stupid, how could I have put myself at risk like that?

"... well it never really came up for me to ask..." Matt sighed and rubbed the side of his temples.

"Andy, please don't freak out when I ask you to do this alright?" I gave him a confused look, ask me to do what? Why would I freak out?

"... alright"
"I care a lot about you, and I don't want you hurt, so will you please... god this is awkward" he said, looking away from me.

"You want me to get checked don't you?" I asked, starting to put the pieces together.

"Please? I don't want anything bad to happen to you and it would just make me feel better" he said, seeming relieved that the question had finally be asked. I looked down, kicking the dirt a bit with my boot.

What if I went and I did have something? What if someone I knew saw me there? I'm only 16 what if they tell my parents?! They'd kill me for sure. Then again, maybe this was the best thing to do.

"I can go with you... if you want" Matt said, placing a hand on my shoulder. I bit my lip, I know that he cares about me and this is why he's doing this. I should think about how he feels right now, he's scared for me.

"O-Okay... I'll go" I said quietly. My hands were shaking now, as I was nervous of what these results might be.

"Can you drive though?" I asked, holding my keys out to him. He nodded and took them.

----

The free clinic is on the edge of town, in what would be considered to be the slums. Graftti lined most the walls and breeze ways. The place was in a small strip mall, the only other open businesses being a gas station, tax credit, and a strip club.

I walked into the place, my arms crossed over my chest with Matt in tow behind me. It was a run down, but well lite place. There was a plump mild aged blond woman sitting behind a counter, shoving papers into a folder. I walked up to her, nervously.

"Hello there sweetie, what can I do for you today?"
"Um..I just want to get checked"
"Alright, how old are you?"
"16..."
"Okay, well if you can just fill out this sheet and have a seat then we'll get to you as soon as we can"
"Um... will my parents find out?" I asked.

"Not unless you want them to, our records are confidential" she said and smiled. I nodded and went to go sit down next to Matt in the waiting room.

There were two other people here, a business man in his late 40's who was playing with a golden wedding band around his finger and a bit younger woman who was fidgeting in her seat.

She looked terrible. Her hair had obviously been dyed bleach blond and her black roots were long pasted "showing". It was a mess too, dry and brittle looking as it stuck out in every direction, matted and in horrible condition. Her skin was pale and wrinkled, though she couldn't have been over 45.

It had almost a grayish tint to it, and her arms and neck were covered in bruises and what looked to be injection marks. Her eyes darted around the room, blood shot around the edges. She was rocking back and forth, muttering things to herself. He clothes were tattered and stained with various things.

Her teeth were yellow and rotting at the top as she bit on her thumb nail. Your classical crack whore no doubt about it. Who knows why she's here, maybe she's here to get checked, too many dirty needles? Maybe she's pregnant? Who knows.

Another woman opened the door, she was wearing a white coat, obviously a nurse.

"Stella Purdy?" she called. The last name sent a jolt through my heart, but what really did it was who stood up. The rugged woman stood to her feet, still shaking slightly as she walked towards the nurse.

I looked over at Matt who was reading some magazine. Stella Purdy? Surely she wasn't in any relation to him... I mean why would she be? She's just some trash that society has casted aside. A pathetic drug addict, who happened to by chance have the same last name.

It might not even be her real name for that matter. Still, the the thought haunted me and sent a shiver down my spine.

---

I got called back a few minutes later and was given a look over by one of the doctors and took the various test needed for them to asses my status. They told me that the test results would be in soon and that I was free to leave.

Since I didn't want my parents to find out about me being here, they promised to just email me the results.

I sat in the car with Matt, still a bit uneasy. The thought of that woman's name wouldn't leave me head. Surely it meant nothing, I mean how many Purdy's can there be? I'm jumping to conclusions, that was just some crack head. Matt must have noticed my uncomfort because he patted my back softly.

"I'm sure the results will be negative Andy"
"Yeah.." I said, looking out the window.

"Do you want to go home?" he asked.

"Not really..."
"... um do you want me to go by my house so you can have your car back?"
"... I kind of want to be around you" I admitted, as much as I thought I wanted to be alone, I didn't right now.

I want him around me for some reason, maybe I'm just still in cling mode, but I don't want to be alone. He nodded and kept driving.

"Well, come on let's go get something to eat at lest, it's dinner time" he said, pulling into Wendy's parking lot. I bit my lip, yeah... dinner time.